There’s nothing like the companionship of a female bestie. That girl who you can swap any secret with, whose closet you can raid and who actually will tell you that yes, you do look fat. But it takes effort to nurture such a special relationship and if your half of your best friend necklace is starting to tarnish than this year it is time to focus on becoming the Courtney C. to your Jennifer A.
Je t’adore, mon ami. Tell your best friend how much you love and appreciate her. Thank her for being in your life. This verbal acknowledgment is sure to make your friendship stronger and won’t leave her to guess how you feel. Of course, words alone won’t do the trick, action must accompany them, but verbal love is important too.
1. Face time. Regardless of how many texts you and your BFF exchange in a day, this form of communication cannot replace face-to-face time. An investment in real time is an indication to each other that despite how busy you may be, that you matter. Those moments shared sans screen will bring you closer together plus who wants to grow old and gray with an iPhone as opposed to a friend?!
2. You you you. Even though your best friend loves you and wants to know all the dish on you, it can’t be “me me me” all the time. One of the most important attributes of a best gal pal is one who really listens – and this means learning to becoming singularly focused on her – asking her questions about her situation instead of sharing your experiences, letting her ramble even when she is being repetitive, and keeping your mouth shut and your heart open, always.
3. Know when to zip it. Part of the art to being a good friend is knowing when to offer advice and when to offer a permission slip. If you know your bestie well, you will know which one she wants. Err on the side of thinking that your friend just wants a safe place to vent and is counting on you to be on her side rather than looking for judgment or a plan of action. Wait to offer your opinion until she asks for it and if/when she does, frame your advice in a very nurturing and supportive way, for example, “I can see why this is a hard place to be in. I think if it was me, I might xxx, but whatever you choose, I’ll be here for you.”
4. Be there when life bites her in the booty. It is easy to be the BFF when times are good but it is equally important to show up when her life is sucking. Although you may not have all the right words, right away, your presence alone will be the comfort that she needs. Just show up ready and willing (without judgment) to give her whatever she needs be it item recovery from a cheating boyfriend or job searching after getting pink slipped.
5. Challenge her. A good friend is unafraid to challenge her friend’s actions, especially when they seem risky. However there is a fine line between challenging her thoughts and ideas and telling her what to do. Be careful that you stay on the side of provocative debate and don’t crossover into mom territory, otherwise you run the risk of repelling her from wanting to share with you in the future.
6. Be her #1 fan. Support your best friend in all that she does. Feel happy for her when she succeeds and carry her through when she hits her roadblocks. Even when she is not looking, be your gal pal’s biggest supporter. Talk her up positively to other people and keep her in your thoughts always – such as when you are out shopping, look for her sizes too or when you see something out in the universe that reminds you of her, send her a text to let her know – this will instantly bring a smile to her face.
7. Sweat the small stuff. Good besties remember and notice the little things. They remember the day her in-laws are finally leaving after an 18-day visit and then come over with a celebratory mani/pedi gift certificate. They notice when she is using a new eyeliner and gives a giant compliment. Recognizing the little stuff goes the distance with good friends because oftentimes friends are the only ones who do notice. Try jotting down special days your gal pal mentions (job reviews, important doctor appointments, etc) on your calendar so you don’t forget to ask about them.
8. Love her for being the purple in your rainbow. Your best friend can’t be all the colors in your rainbow, just like a man can’t fulfill all of your needs, so accept your girlfriend for her shortcomings too and love her for what she does provide. Remember her differences are what make her unique and fun to be around.
9. Forgive and forget. Everyone screws up. Even besties with the best intentions. Think of what life would be like without her, in comparison to her crime and likely you will want to
overlook your friend’s human mistakes and move on.
10. Let her breathe. One of the quickest way to kill a great friendship is to smother it. Healthy friendships need breathing room so be sure to manage friendship expectations reasonably – remember you are not dating so she doesn’t need to check in every day or call to tell you if she is meeting up with another friend.
