Today marks my 3rd Anniversary. Three years ago today, at this time, I was en route towards my marital destiny.
We wrote our own vows. I can remember adding finishing touches to them as I drove up the coast to Malibu, top down, the ocean breeze and the sun stroking me. I couldn’t wait to read them. I couldn’t wait to live them.
Three years later, I’ve learned a lot. A LOT. About myself, about Jason, about us and about this thing we flippantly call “happily ever after.” I’ve learned naturally about sacrifice and compromise, perseverance and how to let the small stuff go. I”ve learned a lot of what I’m supposed to know and one of those being, there is still a lot to learn.
One of the most telling things I’ve learned though – one of those I didn’t know I needed to know that things, is the power of surrender.
Surrender used to be like a dirty word to me. Weak people surrendered. Wrong people surrendered. Ergo, I didn’t surrender. Until I did. Almost without thought. On accident. But clearly by divine design. And it is this surrendering that allowed me to grow into who I need to be to be a good… no, great wife.
You see in a relationship, you must surrender in many ways. You must surrender to yourself – to your wants, needs, desires, fantasies. And you must surrender to your partner by being vulnerable, flexible and fearless. Finally, you must surrender to the unknown. Relationships are destined to be filled with all sorts of unplanned opportunities for growing, only capable of being thoroughly unwrapped if you surrender. You never know when one of you will get sick (like I did on the final day of our honeymoon ending up in bed for a month), or when one of your kids will. You don’t know if you will lose your job or take one that you hate. You can’t predict natural disasters. You can do everything within your power to build a safe haven for your marriage (which you should) but no matter what, it will always get rocked. So what do you do when you’re humming along and your marriage gets rocked? You surrender. You soak it in. You say to each other, “Here we are. We don’t know why but we must need to be.” You stay present. You affirm your love for each other even when one of you may not “deserve” it. You re-commit. You look fear in the face and say “Eff you!” You surrender. You surrender to what is. To what will be. You surrender to the other’s love, support and wisdom. You let go of the facades because life is too short to be anything but infinitely naked with your partner. You let down your guards so you can let each other in… because no matter what vows you spoke on your wedding day, you comitted to walking this life together, hand in hand, heart in heart.
So thank you, Jason. Thank you for teaching me that surrendering is not a dirty word of the weak but a loving action of the strong. You taught me to surrender and you sit, stand, kneel and lie with me as someone safe to surrender with, and for that I can never repay you. I love you.
Love & light,