A is for Acting like who you think a guy wants you to be always backfires. Think of this like wearing a padded bra. Eventually the padded bra is going to come off revealing the real flat-chested you and the real disappointed him. So instead of chameleoning yourself into what you think he wants, play yourself instead – you get an academy award for that role every time.

B is for Believing in love which instantly makes you more lovable. When you have faith that someday you will fall into true love, that feeling shines through every ounce of your being and projects out into the world. You become a magnetic ball of loveable energy that is irresistible to men.

C is for Cupid strikes those open for business. Cupid isn’t an equal opportunity shooter. He seeks those open to the idea of dating – meaning if you stay cooped up in your apartment reading old issues of UsWeekly on Friday nights, stay buried in your iPod in cafes to avoid having strangers talk to you, or are convinced all the good guys are taken or are gay – you will never got shot by love’s arrow.

D is for Don’t be afraid of commitment; be afraid of committing to the wrong guy. Commitment to another person is one of life’s most beautiful unions. It shouldn’t be feared; it should be desired and honored and such that, not taken lightly. Approach commitment with care and diligence, taking your time as a sign of respect for yourself.

E is for Expectations ought to be realistic. Instead of going out shopping for a husband, shop for a good time. Keep things simple and in the present. Live in the moment to keep your sanity and potential future with your guy, intact.

F is for Flirting should feel like a mini orgasm: Powerful, mysterious and magnetic. The goal is to leave your target wanting to come back for more.

G is for Go for the gold medal in love. Don’t accept good enough – not the silver, not the bronze. Believe that you are worthy of the best possible love in your love and never quit until you arrive at it, even if that means holding out for a little longer than you expected. Waking up next to a gold medal guy every day will make it worth the wait and effort.

H is for Happier women have happier love lives. It is hard to attract a great guy if all you’ve got to offer is a sub-par or problem filled life. Go out and build yourself an ooey gooey sticky sweet sundae of a life – one that a man can be the cherry on top of. Great relationships are ones in which partners are compliments to each other’s already wonderful lives, not solutions to their broken ones.

I is for Increase your odds of meeting someone special by expanding your dating playgrounds beyond being double-fisted in a bar or online. The whole world can be seen as an opportunity to meet someone datable if you have your eyes and heart open. There’s no wrong place to meet Mr. Right.

J is for Joke’s on you if you think finding happily-ever-after is supposed to be a breeze. Falling in like and love (and sometimes into bed) is one fabulously flawed process. Love is the greatest treasure you will ever find, but you have to go through many experiences, which prepare you for the responsibility of it. That’s what dating does – if you do it right, it trains you – it’s like boot camp.

K is for Kissing is a critical preview. If a guy’s kissing skills are lackluster, don’t expect much from his sex skills. Bad kissing is to good sex as a bad script is to a good movie – it doesn’t exist, so save yourself for someone who can really liplock.

L is for Love luck. Being unlucky in love is not about a bad dice roll or crappy fortune cookie. It is about being unopen to love; to change that, you need to free your fears. It is about being stupid about love; to change that, you need to free your self-love. It is about being unavailable to love; to change that, you need to free your heart.

M is for Mengagement. Guys love to be hit on so don’t just wait shyly by for them to come over, go get what you want! Beat tongue-tiedness by banking on these foolproof pickup methods to engage with men: 1) Ask for help, 2) Compliment him, 3) Share something with him, like food, or 4) a sweet and simple, “Hello!”

N is for Never marry someone you haven’t taken a roadtrip with, haven’t had a blowout fight with and then actually resolved it (not just kiss, made up and swept the issue under the rug), haven’t had a heart to heart with their key family members, haven’t played co-parent with to some bratty kids to for a long weekend.

O is for Own your love status. Take responsibility for where you are. Don’t blame your ex or your daddy issues. Work through 100% of your 50% in everything. Envision where you want to be – what ideal love looks like to you – in order to get there.

P is for Pay attention to what’s in front of you to know what lies ahead of you. What you see is most always what you get and while potential can be wrapped up in a pretty package, it is slippery for your heart to make decisions in the present based on what you hope might happen in the future.

Q is for Quality sometimes is arrived at through quantity. Nix the notion that it should only take x number of dates or that you ought to be married off by x age. Instead of working to beat some type of clock, put your love life on an experience line, not a timeline. Commit to being a smart, seasoned dater, no matter how long or how many dates it takes. We cannot control when love will strike but we will never be successful at it if we are not ready. Being ready comes with experience.

R is for Repetition in dating (i.e. dating loser after losing, always being the doormat, etc.) is a result of not learning from your mistakes. Dating is like algebra. You need to identify the variable that creates negative results and change it if you want a different outcome.

S is for Sell your cleavage… and not the form that is measurable and held up by straps and a wire. Every girl has something about her that is just as sexy, just as magnetically attractive to the male species as boob gutter, and probably even more so since it is weighted in substance. Figure out what your cleavage is, push it up miracle bra style and market that when you go out into the dating playground next.

T is for Technology can kill your flirting game. Buds in your ears or having your pretty little face buried in your smart phone is like holding up a “do not disturb” sign, warding off potential cuties from coming your way. Burst your tech bubble to have a better shot of pushing the buttons of a man instead.

U is for Until you try something on for size, give it a ride or taste it, you have no idea if you like it. The more you sample, the more specifically you will be able to fine-tune your wants and your needs, both emotionally and physically – and that is the point of dating. Explore all options that come your way so that when you make your final decision, you do so with confidence.

V is for Vajazzling fail. Don’t do it. Just wax your hoo-ha into a respectable, minimalistic style. Hand-placed Swarovski crystals down there says to a guy that you have too much money, too much time and that you need too much attention.

W is for Wear one statement accessory always – a funky hat, a bold watch, a unique, necklace, a daring belt – something that will help a guy kickstart a conversation with you. Don’t overdo it though. Less is more when it comes to fashion and know that the very best accessory you can wear is a beautiful smile.

X is for Xes are in the trash for good reason so really carefully consider it when you resurrect them. A case of retrosexualitis is usually due to loneliness, laziness, regret or horniness. Remember that a movie sequel is rarely as good and certainly never better than the first one, so your energy is better spent on finding new love than it is on recycling old love.

Y is for You deserve what you accept; you accept what you deserve. Decide what you believe you deserve and accept nothing less than that. After all, you deserve it, right?

Z is for Zip it! On the first few dates, if you want to see more of him, avoid the following taboo topics: soulmates/destiny/fate, upcoming weddings you need a date for, ex-boyfriends or the number of guys you’ve bedded, your therapist or bouts in rehab, your perfectly mapped out plans for the future and current debt or your trust fund.

Live and love largely,

Professor Tristan

Want more advice? Follow me on Facebook, Twitteror sign up for my newsletter: Love & Learn!

But if you were out getting popcorn refills or indulging in your own kissing sessions during these classic movie makeout scenes instead of taking mental notes, you’re in luck, because I‘ve dissected a collection of the greatest on-screen kisses to uncover what makes them so steamy and in turn what can make yours equally hot.  So pay attention now, and you will be on your way to your own Oscar winning kiss… and we all know that a great first base move has the potential to leading to so much more.

Does the perfect kiss include indefinable passion, charming or dirty or vulnerable dialogue, heated buildup, an aphrodisiac inducing setting, emotional connections and romantic components? Is the ideal approach slow, soft, and sincere or an intense, assertive, take-me-now one? Is the heat meter higher if the kiss is highly anticipated, completely unexpected or totally forbidden?

Well, it turns out, the on-screen winning kiss can have elements of all of the above ingredients. It is a combination of many of these things that gets our heart pumping and our knees weak when immersed in that magically perfect kiss where time seems to stand still and a full room can feel empty.  But since most of us can’t hire a crew to cue music or rain, write scripted sweet nothings to whisper, or have the luxury of multiple takes to get it right, try employing these lustful lip-locking techniques instead:

1) Don’t think of a kiss as first base; think of it as the home run. A kisser who approaches a kiss as a means to a sex end isn’t taking the time to appreciate and indulge in the moment. A kiss is the window to all else so if ever there was a time to take your time and get it right, it is with the kiss so slow down, relax and take your time.

2) Have a kissable mouth and go easy on the hair product. Chapped lips and/or bad breath is the fastest way to strike out so skip the garlicky dishes at din-din and always have your fave flavor of lip balm and a pack of powerful mints in pocket or in purse. Also hair playing while kissing is extremely sensual. Stroking your fingers through short hair or puling gently on long hair can really ignite a spark… but not if fingers get caught in sticky product so lighten up on styling goop.

3) Focus on the lips, more so than the tongue. Tonsil hockey is for junior high rookie kissers. Movie star kissers lick, nibble and really nurture lips – they are filled with nerves so enjoy the sensations.

4) Allow your hands to wander while you kiss.  Whether it is stroking their hair, gently touching their face, grabbing their neck, massaging their back, or tugging at their clothes, these motions all increase the heat on other parts of your kissee’s body.

5) Go for the AAAs: anticipation, anxiety and animalistic desire. By kissing in places other than the expected lips first, such as neck, cheeks, nose, forehead, shoulders (I’ll leave the rest up to you imagination), you will create an undeniable dose of anticipation in your kissee. He/she will be anxious wondering if and when you will finally land your sweet smoocher on his/her watering mouth, creating the ultimate in animal desire.

6) Share, don’t own the kiss. Kissing is a rhythmic dance that requires partnership not a lead. Sometimes you should “be in charge” sometimes your kissee should be. Be open to playing both roles.

7) Avoid kissing monotony. The best kisses blend more intense, passion-filled aggressive moments with sweeter, slower, milder ones. Remember, kisses are a preview of other skills and if your kissing abilities are ho-hum, your kissee may not be so excited to explore what else is on your menu.

Think of some of the best kissing scenes of all time (see below) and use them for inspiration as you slip into your own kiss. Everyone has a little Scarlett (Gone with the Wind) or Edward (Twilight) in them waiting to be unleashed.

9) Read your audience. As important as it is to get lost in the moment and go with what feels right, pay attention to your kissee and react to how he/she is responding. His/her moves will tell you what is liked/not liked.

10) And finally, elongate the end of a kiss. Stay in the moment for a breath longer by either keeping your eyes closed for a second with a smile on your face or adding an extra peck at the end – both are indicators that you dig the kiss and you want more.

For additional inspiration and for up-close video tutorials, check out these steamy kisses from some of Hollywood’s all-time hottest on-screen couples:

Movie: Pretty Woman
Characters: Vivian & Edward

Movie: Wild Things
Characters: Suzie & Kelly

Movie: Some Kind of Wonderful
Characters: Keith & Watts

Movie: The Notebook
Characters: Allie & Noah

Movie: Ghost
Characters: Molly & Sam

Movie: Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Characters: Holly & Paul

Movie: From Here to Eternity
Characters: Milton & Karen

Movie: Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Characters: John & Jane

Movie: Twilight
Characters: Edward & Bella

Movie: When Harry Met Sally
Characters: Harry & Sally

Want more advice? Follow me on Facebook, Twitter or sign up for my newsletter: Love & Learn!

Essentially we have sex for the purpose of procreation, right? Ok, so in that case kissing serves as the red light or green light to hitting the next base, so to speak. This explains why you can be completely attracted to someone but after that first kiss, be totally turned off… the kiss is your indication that this person would not be a suitable mating partner. This also explains why kissing (in most cases) comes before any other sexual involvement… it subconsciously protects us from making poor choices. In essence, a bad kiss is a lovesaver!

In a simple kiss, is lots of information. The smell, taste, sound and feel of a kiss affects our perception of our kissee and if we want to move forward or not. Neurobiologically, kissing causes your brain to release high levels of noraepinephrine, dopamine, and phenylethylamine. These are all neurotransmitters which attach to our brain’s pleasure centers and result in feelings of euphoria, giddiness and elation. The more you kiss, the “higher” you become and therefore, the more likely it is that you will engage in sex, thus theoretically leading to procreation. Make sense?

Simply, kissing is truly the ultimate partner taste test. And we are all in some way, philematologists (how lucky!). So, what’s your preferred kissing flavor? Have a phenomenal or horrendous kissing story to share? We’d love to hear!

That’s right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together – playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something new… and better.

If you’ve got the breakup itch, you’re not alone – Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kate Winslett joined the single women’s tribe this week. And this is just the beginning of what is the annual relationship apocalypse among couples. Just wait and see. Be it long term love or short, spring is the time to dispose of unhealthy, unsatisfying or going nowhere relationships, because with summer around the corner, there is no shortage of opportunities to revisit like and love’s playground!

But how do you do it? Once you’ve committed to uncommitting, how do you break it off? Well it all depends on what caused you to come to the end of bliss road. Below are a few examples of various break-up situations and the best/worst approaches to cutting the tie. In general though, any breakup method ought to be quick, honest and respectful, complete with “I” statements. It should offer a clear explanation but not be drawn out. It should declare unquestionable finality – not leaving a measure of ambiguity. Your goal should be to cause the least amount of post break-up drama for both parties involved.

The ‘Broken Heart’ Break-up -> This break-up is the one that wrenches your heart out of your chest and throws it out on to the street just in time for a bus to run it over, followed by a concrete pouring truck, followed by a steam roller, and finally by an exploding gasoline truck. Heartbreak to this magnitude is caused by acts of horrendous disrespect such as cheating. These violations are undeniably painful and the damage to the relationship is likely irreversible.

The wrong way: Seeking revenge by destroying his property, ruining his relationships with loved ones, or employing any vindictive behavior is not the route to take. Karma will take care of the wrong-doer more powerfully than you can. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: PSYCHO

The right way: The most painful words one can hear are those expressing disappointment. Although an initial reaction may be to curse him out, simply looking at him with disgust and disdain and delivering a simple message of disappointment cuts the heart permanently. Taking a stance of strength in a situation like this can not only provide great guilt to the guilty, but offer a sense of empowerment as opposed to victimization to you. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: IN CONTROL

The ‘I’m Not Happy’ Break-up -> This break-up arises after a long period of exhaustive arguing that ultimately illustrates that the two parties are not on the same page in terms of how their relationship should function. In this situation, a break-up has been considered on countless occasions and sometimes even used as a threat to leverage change in the other person. Unfortunately, persistent differences will always inevitably lead to an actual break-up. This often is the saddest break-up because so much effort was put into “making it work” and the relationship may end still with one/both members not completely certain that ending it was indeed the right thing.

The wrong way: Attempting to get him to break up with you instead of being brave enough to do it yourself. This is often a dish served up passively aggressively whereby you initiate a “talk” proceeding to bring up all of your problems, resisting every possible solution, leading your BF down a path that leads to no option other than breaking up. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: COWARD

The right way: Address the demise of the relationship head on. Don’t point fingers or cast blame; explain that although the two of you have put in great effort to salvage the relationship, it has run its course and you are just not happy. At the break-up point, there should not be a discussion of how to once again try to “make it work.” Employ the rip-it-off quickly Band-Aid theory. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: KINDNESS

The ‘Dead-End’ Break-up -> This is the break-up that comes out of a relationship that is lacking potential for a future. Most often the relationship is navigating a smooth course, void of any major rifts. However, for one of the participants, the desire to mature the relationship and elevate it to the next level, is absent. Symptoms of this type of break-up include sudden trivial irritations (such as the way the person laughs) and decreasing your loved on as a priority in your life.

The wrong way: The classic “It’s not you, it’s me” approach is the most typical route to take, but is not completely true and the recipient of such a message knows it. He’s left in bewilderment and could have a difficult time moving past without some sense of closure. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: WHITE-LIAR

The right way: Explain that you no longer share the same feelings and that you don’t see a co-mingled future together. When asked about specific reasons for the change in feelings, be sensititve but straightforward. Express gratitude for the relationship. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: THOROUGH.

Hey, so there may be a lot of lonely-heart tears and hugs, drunken rebounded makeout sessions and chocolate binges for the first few weeks post breakup, but rest assure your heart will be shining as brightly as the sun soon, healed and wiser then ever and you will be moving on to some serious summer lovin!

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Want more advice? Follow me on Facebook, Twitter or sign up for my newsletter: Love & Learn!