How has love styling worked for my clients specifically? Here are a few examples:
THE SERIAL MONOGAMIST TURNS HEALTHY DATER: LISA
Lisa is a late 20-something, ivy league MBA’er with a career that is skyrocketing and luxurious locks celebs pay thousands of dollars per year to have, not to mention has a host of winning friends, an adorable apartment and a loving family. Getting guys to commit to her, also not a problem. From the outside looking in, life is easy breezy for Lisa. Her problem though is that she stays in relationships that are no good for her months and even years after her radar detector goes off signaling that her Mr. Right is actually Mr. Wrong. With the last one her ring finger was sparkling with a big rock and she had already decided on wedding invites when that one finally fell to pieces.
That’s when I came into the picture. Together, Lisa and I laughed (and occasionally she cried) our way through her relationships – 5 long term boyfriends with not longer than a week break in between. We dissected each one, talking about the highs and the lows because Lisa never gave herself the respect to look in the rear-view mirror of love and assess the learnings from each of experiences… which essentially made her feel that they were all a big waste of time and that she was a failure at love.
Lisa began to construct a list – a list of wants and needs from a man. Her non-negotiables… what was going to work for her in her co-piloted life and what wouldn’t, based on her experiences. And then Lisa committed for the first time in her adult life to non-committment. To just dating for awhile – to see how she felt without having to be in what she uncovered were all codependent relationships.
She loved it! She thrived in the dating playground which included dating herself. I taught Lisa for the first time actually how to date in a healthy way and in the process how to value her own needs. She met wonderful men, had adventurous experiences, learned a ton about herself, and made some fabulous friends along the way.
After a year of intentional dating, Lisa is now exclusively seeing someone that I totally approve of – so far he meets all of her criteria… and I am so proud of and happy for her.
EXHAUSTED LOOKING FOR LOVE: JOANNA
Let me show you a little bit closer: Joanna’s daily routine typically consisted of going to work, grabbing drinks with friends at their neighborhood bar or going to the gym and closing out the night with a tabloid mag or some must-see TV. Her weekends usually included a little overtime at work, dinner and a movie with friends and another visit to the neighborhood bar. Perhaps a visit to see mom and dad on the other side of town too.
First I reprogrammed Joanna’s dating attitude to help reignite her excitement for the possibility of falling in like and in love. I learned about her dating past and why her attitude was negative so that I could course-correct it. We turned her previous experiences into something more positive so that she didn’t feel defeated by them, but rather empowered.
Then I introduced Joanna to the Algebra of Dating – the idea that to get different results you have to change a variable in your equation. Jointly we put together a plan for Joanna to more or less go get more of a life so that she would instantly expand her dating marketplace. She joined a yoga class, adopted a dog and explored new bars. She also committed to going out at least 3 times a week.
I also helped Joanna build an online dating existence on two different sites and managed the process with her.
Joanna is now fruitfully dating. Her energy for it is re-engaged and she is now the one organizing girl’s night out events with her friends!
YOUNG DIVORCEE FINDS NEW LOVE: STEPH
Steph had to learn dating 101. She literally had no idea how to date because she never had. She needed the basics from how to dress for dates (so I did a complete wardrobe analysis for her) to how to flirt (so we went to bars and I showed her) to the dos/dont’s of first date conversation (so we role played) and beyond to every topic you can imagine (when/how to follow up, managing expectations, dealing with sex, rejection, analyzing her experiences and so on).
Eventually Steph learned to love her single life and learned that her now ex-husband was a far cry from the type of man she wanted/needed in her life. She is engaged now to an awesome guy planning to get married in the summer!