Hi Laurel,

How exciting! For many men, introducing their new girlfriend to their friend's is a major relationship milestone. Most guys simply don't invite just any ol' mama, but reserve introductions for the girls they actually feel strongly about... so yay!

Knowing that, you really have nothing to worry about. Seriously. If your man didn't already feel confident that you would "perform" so to speak, well, he wouldn't have extended the invitation. However, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1) Be yourself, and you will shine! Your BF likes you for who you are, so don't try to be what you think he wants.

2) Follow his lead. When it comes to PDA, follow his lead. He may be really comfortable with public groping or he may need to work his way into it. Follow his lead and feel free to discuss in private later your thoughts.

3) Be interested in his friends. Ask questions and let them get to know you. Be open.

4) Show you are into your man! Your man's friends want him to be with a girl who genuinely digs him, so show it. But don't force it. Being genuine is key.

5) You don't have to like them... but you do have to be respectful.

One more thing... remember that moments are as awkward as YOU make them, so relax and breathe easy. This is going to be great!

GOOD LUCK!

SWAK,
Tristan

Hi Mercy,

The age old question...

I remember an episode of Sex & the City that applied the calucaltion number of months in relationship/2 = cured heart. This bold and IMHO ridiculous calculation had many a broken heart diving into a personal pity party sullen over the fact that it could take YEARS to mend their woes. Thankfully this calculation only makes for good TV, not for truthful heart healing.

The truth is, and forgive me in advance if you despise this answer, you simply can't put healing on a timeline. There is no magic cure. If only.

What you CAN do though, is dedicate your energy toward your healing through a powerful blend of relationship processing, self-loving and optimism. The more energy you devote towards getting THROUGH, not OVER your breakup, not only the sooner you will heal, the more effectively you will heal as well. It may get worse before it gets better, but the painful ride will be well worth it.

So the bottom line is, DON'T stress the time it takes to sew up your broken heart. Pay tribute to yourself and your future love life by taking however much time YOU personally need to heal. Trust me, your future relationships will thank you.

SWAK,
Tristan

Hi Klover,

First, let me tell you – I have been where you are. My first real boyfriend (in college) didn’t tell me he loverd me for 8 months, even though I declared my love for him after 4 months. I will never forget that day when I told him. It was SUCH a big deal for me and his response was, “How nice!” I remember thinking to myself, not for me. I was so humiliated.

BUT, I stuck it out. I knew he was special and I knew that my love for him was real. It was conditional based on him loving me. And that felt really good. I got used to thinking the thoughts of love in my head but not expressing them since I didn’t want to make it uncomfortable for either one of us. Instead, I just went on showing him how I felt. The relationship was good. There was no reason to end it just because his heart hadn’t moved as fast as mine.

Then, one day we were driving and he just blurts it out. I almost crashed. His words that day – 4 months after mine, meant SO much more than if he had delivered them in tune with mine just because he thought he should. The wait was BEYOND worth it. I knew he was sincere.

So, to answer your question, just because your man hasn’t reciprocated the words, if he is reciprocating the feelings of love to a point where you are satisfied, don’t give up. You never know when it is coming but when it doesn, I can assure it will be sweet beyond sweet!

SWAK,
Tristan

Hi Olivia,

Awesome question! Definitely something a lot of daters ask themselves. And unfortunately there is no clear cut answer – it really depends on the culture of your family.

For example, in my family, bringing home a guy was a BIG deal, so I only did it twice – with my college boyfriend who I was so sure at the time was the one (LOL!) and with my now husband. My family was pretty clear with me that they personally didn’t want to emotionally invest in someone who may or may not be around. But that was my family. Yours may be different.

Your family may be the type of family who lives by the motto, “The more the merrier!” and in that case thye are used to meeting new people all the time without getting attached. If that is your family, then no biggie to bring him over whenever.

You also need to consider how your BF feels. Is it a big deal to him to meet your family? What does that experience mean to him? Is he ready for it?

So in short, there is no simple answer – there is no “right” amount of dating time before meeting the family. You need to consider your specific family and your specific guy. What I can tell you is that if you go with your gut, you will always win… plus waiting never hurt anybody J

SWAK,
Tristan

Hi Kayla,

I know what you mean. I've definitely been where you are before - feeling like you are putting forth all of the effort which inevitably leaves you wondering, "is he really that into me?" But I need more to your story to really help. The data that is missing is, is he ready and willing to do stuff when you ask, or is he hesitant? This is a big difference to pay attention to.

If the situation is such that you are always asking and he is sometimes into hanging out but not most of the time - PAY ATTENTION! Simply, he's not so into you. You are not a priority.

BUT...

If most of the time you suggest plans he is game, then you are in good shape! You see some guys (and some women too) are just not that aggressive when it comes to making plans. They are more laidback. And with a girl like you always doing it for them, they don't have to be. I'm not saying you should stop and see what happens because then you would just be playing a game. What I'm saying is that you need to pay attention to the outcome, not how you get there. If you are getting what you want - a lot of great time with him, then who really cares who initiates?!

SWAK,
Tristan

Hi Zoe,

A few things are going on here for you to consider…

1)      It sounds to me like this guy does spend a lot on you which is what makes you feel like you are in a great relationship. He may not be buying you fancy things or taking you to 5 star restaurants but he is, I’m guessing, spending a lot of time and emotional energy on you, which in my opinion is greater than gold.

2)      You asked if him being cheap is call for a breakup. Only you can decide that. Plenty fo couples have stayed together for a lifetime, stone cold broke. Money won’t make or break a relationship in and of itself. BUT, the question is how important is financial generosity to you? You need to spend some time thinking about that. Everyone calculates receipt of love in different ways – some through compliments, others through affection and still yet others through gifts. NONE of these is more right or wrong than the next – it is just about knowing yourself and what fuels you in a relationship.

Hope this helps!!!

SWAK,
Tristan

Hi Gwyn,

I'm not sure what you mean by "too much time." And quite frankly it doesn't matter. What does matter is that you are feeling unattended to, clearly. Every woman has a different need state when it comes to attention from her man. And every woman also has a different way she experiences satisfaction in the attention department. What you need to figure out is what does it take, very specifically for you to feel important? Do you require a certain number of nights per week of being together? Is it important that your time is exclusively alone time? Do you need daily phone calls, txt check ins, etc?

Once you clarify what you need, then you can express to him where he is falling shortly. Be sure not to attack. Instead be sure to speak to him calmly and let him know this is a need of yours and underneath it (unless you are just super insecure) is a desire to be with him - what a compliment!

Also, don't forget to acknowledge his need for guy time. Men need time in their "treehouses" so to speak. Trust me - when they don't have it, they are a mess.

Hope this helps!

SWAK,
Tristan