Relationship Tonic emphasizes the little things that keep love alive!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 27: Splurge!
Bad economy aside, every once in awhile, for relationship sake it is important to SPLURGE! It feels good to indulge in luxurious ways, even if this just means ordering and extra appetizer or some dessert, or going for a buy 1 get 1 free couple’s massage. Splurging doesn’t have to be expensive. It isn’t about how many zeroes are attached to the experience, but rather through the act of going the extra mile. The key is to give beyond what you normally would because your lve is priceless and you want to celebrate it!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 26: Sleeping On “It”
“Never go to bed angry” has to be the most cliched marriage advice ever. Sure, in a perfect world where every spat can be resolved before your eyes get heavy, this sounds divine. But in the real world where we all live, this advice just doesn’t apply. Sometimes we DO need to sleep on it. Sometimes sleep can clear on mind and our heart to see things the way they need to be seen so that we can actually move forward. If you and your spouse have a fight and it isn’t resolved when the lights go off, that is OK! However, out of respect for each other and the relationship, before you snooze off into dreamland, have a kind goodnight saying something like, “I know we will work this out. I look forward to readdressing this situation when we are renewed tomorrow. I love you.” I guarantee that the problem will still be alive and kicking in the morning, but after a restful night’s sleep you will be better prepared to handle it.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 25: Accept the Annoyances!
We all have pet peeves. It is normal. But, when you live with someone who constantly peeves you, it can be maddening… for you AND for him. Sure you are constantly bugged by that thing (can we say, toilet seat up?!), but imagine his irritation with you constantly complaining about it. Here’s the hard truth: some things are never going to change. They are called habits and no matter how much you complain, they will remain. He has them and admit it, so do you. One of the most loving things you can do is to finally accept that “thing” and stop complaining about it. Try it for a week and notice how much more peaceful both of you feel.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 24: Touching!
It has been proven that 8-10 meaningful touches a day helps maintain emotional and physical health. Thus it is safe to say that human touch is essential to our happiness. How much do you touch your spouse? How often do you stroke his arm when talking to him, rub his neck or give him a peck on the cheek? There are so many ways that you can connect with touch that don’t involve a long embrace or a roll in the hay. So commit to being more touchy and feely and your marriage will reap infinite rewards!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 23: Memory Lane
When is the last time you and your honey took a trip down memory lane? If it has been awhile, you should absolutely, positively make a plan to do so. Traveling to a time when the two of you were likely simpler versions of yourself (before life got complicated: mortgage, kids, etc) can be uniquely reigniting. Reenact the scene of your first date, a favorite early date destination, the place of your proposal or even where you had your first fight. No matter where your travels take you, your union will be refreshed by bathing in the sweetness of the beginning and by renewing your appreciation for the journey that you have taken… all of which will give you enthusiasm for what’s next.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 22: Empathize
Empathy is a powerful gift to give to a loved one. It is the concept of feeling the other one’s shoes. Relating to their moment and letting them know you are along side for the ride. Simply – that you get whatever their “it” is. The magical thing about expressing empathy is that you don’t actually have to agree with how your partner is feeling – that isn’t the point. The point is that you are hearing/seeing them and they know it; that you care how they feel and they know it. The next time your partner is in pain – be it sad, frustrated, angry, exhausted, simply say, “I can see how (insert feeling) you are.” Instantly, that simply, they will feel comforted.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 21: Detech!
We live in a tech entrenched world, there is no way around it. But there is a time for technology and there is a time to put it away. When you are with your spouse is a good time to put it away. When you want to be truly engaged in your partner, you need to detech. You need to silence your cell phone, resist the urge to text or check the game score so that you can fully be present for your sweetheart, It may take time to get used to a new ritual of turning tech off when you get home (and maybe weening yourself off is more realistic if you are a true tech junkie), but trust me, the world will live without you for a few hours… and your marriage will benefit infinitely!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 20: Holding hands
There is great power in holding hands with someone you love. Intertwining fingers allows you to share warmth and exchange energy flow, not to mention hand holding makes you feel secure and adored. As often as you can, hold hands with your partner. If you are watching the news together, hold hands. Taking a stroll through the grocery store, hold hands. Waiting in line at Starbucks, hold hands. There are tons of nerve endings in our fingers and they are far better ignited by the touch of our partner han a draft, a smart phone or plain old pocket lint!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 19: Agreeing to disagree
One of the greatest lessons that my husband has taught me is that sometimes it is best to agree to disagree. Since you and your partner are not clones of each other, it is inevitable that on occasion, no matter how hard you try to get on the same page, you will not… you will be miles apart. What is important in marriage isn’t that you always agree, but that you can empathize with the feelings of your partner, as well as give them space for independent thinking and feeling. So the next time you and your honey are deeply pitted on opposing sides, think to yourself, it is most important for you to be right, or to be married.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 18: Curbed criticism
I get it – it can be easy to see your spouse’s faults, and hard to keep them to yourself. Maybe you think your criticism is constructive, but chances are, it ‘s not. Be sure to take the the time each day to highlight what is positive about your hubby, instead of defaulting to what could be better. The words you choose are sacred! Positive words encourage; critical words tear down. Work together to build each other up and just watch how far your relationship will soar!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 17: Love letters
When is the last time you received a love letter? Before I met my husband, the last real love letter I got was from my 4th grade crush. It ended with check here if you like me. Love letters are magical little pieces of paper. They have the ability to incite crazy good-feeling butterflies and swell one’s heart with love. The best part is that they are free! Don’t just wait for a prescribed moment (anniversary, bday, etc) to tell your honey how much you adore him/her; seize today to pour your heart out through your pen. This is a gift that will be long loves and appreciated… and you just may get one in return!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 16: Mindful tone
The tone of your voice carries a wealth of information often unspoken – disinterest, excitement, anger, sarcasm and so on. As important as the words we choose to communicate to our spouse, is the tone we speak those words in. Sometimes an unkind tone can lead to misinterpretation of the message you are trying to send. Be mindful of the tone of your tone! Notice how you say what you say. Try your best to speak with a loving, caring, tender tone as opposed to an angry, harsh, bitter one. If you do, your valuable words will be far better received.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 15: Time-outs
I think it is safe to say that we’ve all been conditioned to equate a “time-out” with a consequence to a negative action. Well, a more group-up way of looking at a time-out is viewing it as a much needed break – as an opportunity to recharge. And who needs that more than couples?! Marital breaks, even for just a day or two can do wonders for couples’ capacity to connect with each other in the long term. These breaks are not about taking them when something is going wrong. In fact, it is about taking them when everything is going perfectly right! They are maintenance breaks for yourself and for your relationship – they allow you to breathe independently so that when you come back together as a unit, you are stronger than ever.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 14: Encouragement
A sign of a great relationship is one in which partners are acknowledging and encouraging each other’s growth. Take the time to look from the outside in, at your honey’s growth, be it personal or professional and recognize it. Give him/her that deserving hi-5 and check in to see how you may be of service in helping them continue on their desired path.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 13: Morning sex!
I shudder at the thought that my mom reads this section but I can’t not include this suggestion because it is simply too good not to share (sorry Mom – may you still be able to look at me the same!) It is no secret that after awhile in a relationship, sex gets deprioritized for lots of reasons… one of which is time! With bust careers and sometimes kids, social calendars that rival those of celebs, couples are beat by the time they hit the hay. Which is why I recommend implementing a morning sex routine. Put down the straightening iron and hear things up before the kids wake up, before the emails start rolling in. Trust me, a morning “O” glow is far better than any designer blush.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 12: Gratitude cards
I love greeting cards and while there certainly are lots of days per year made for giving your honey a card, there is nothing like receiving an unexpected card. I call this an appreciation card. When you are feeling particularly appreciative, buy or better yet, make a card that expresses your gratititude for your spouse. Be specific in your words about what you appreciate. Your darling will be over the moon thankful that you took the time to acknowledge his efforts.RELATIONSHIP TONIC 11: Relationship praise
It can be soooooo easy to focus on the negative in our relationship and while sure we certainly need to speak up fro what isn’t working, it is also important to recognize when our partner is getting it right too! Acknowledging a job well done in your relationship encourages more jobs well done… it is just that simple! And the best part is, it doesn’t cost you a thing just to express appreciation, but the reward for doing so, can be infinite.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 10: Negate nagging
If you grew up with a nagging mama you know how unpleasant it is to be told to do something 37 times, each time in an increasingly irritated tone. No one likes to be nagged – not you, and definitely not your mate. When you want something done, remember that your timeline might not be your partner’s timeline, so insert a measure of flexibility or if there is no room for that, be clear about why x needs to be done by such and such a time. If reminders are needed, present them kindly with post-it notes on the wheel of the car or a sweet email. Remember, it is all about using an encouraging, flexible tone – if you can hear your mom in your voice, you aren’t doing it right.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 9: Makeovers
Remember those days when every time you and your honey saw each other you practically pawed each other’s clothes off? Those days when you couldn’t take your eyes off each other because you were so attracted to one another? Well, one of the easiest ways to keep the heat alive between you two is to refresh your look regularly by getting annual makeovers. Whether done as a surprise or done together as a date, this rejuvenation will make you re-fall in lust with each other, over and over again… not to mention give your own confidence an always welcome boost!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 8: Showering together!
When is the last time you got soapy, slippery, steamy, sultry wet in the shower with your sugar?! Been so long you can’t remember? Never done it? Oh my! Taking showers together regularly is a great way to connect with your partner. And I’m not talking about a 5-minute in-and-out “I scrub your back, you scrub mine” type of shower. No, this is the kind that lingers a little longer as you wash each other slowly and sensually from hair to toes. Dim the lights, use intoxicating soaps and soak up in all the bubbly goodness and slip-and-slide magic between you two!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 7: Cuddling
Remember the beginning of your relationship when you couldn’t keep your paws off of each other?! Well, lasting love is dependent on a warm connection and that means abundant cuddling. But I get it… cuddling can get in the way… which is why I’m assigning those of you who are coupled up to engage in morning snuggle sessions. Simply set your alarm 5 minutes earlier and indulge i the warmth of each other. Whether you are the little spoon or big spoon, choose to chit-chat, giggle or watch the sun rise in silence, I guarantee that implementing this routine will reinforce your bond in a brand new way as well as kickstart your day uber positively!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 6: Being a Cheerleader!
A partner is supposed to be your ultimate fan. And what better way to demonstrate your commitment to each other than by cheerleading your way through goals?! Despite your likely ability to accomplish anything on your won, it feels great to have your wingman hi-5 you along the way to your successes, both big and small. And not only does it feel great to be supported and to support, but by encouraging each other to do your best, you will continue to become your best which will enrich your relationship. After all, a big element of a healthy relationship is a healthy self!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 5: Hooky Days
Life can get busy and while you are going this way and your significant other is going that a way, love can easily slop through the cracks. One super easy and super dun way to keep the love alive is to have sporadic spontaneous hook days together. Simply decide one morning to blow off the day (or even half a day will work) together and just enjoy each other’s company. Don’t worry about elaborate plans – in fact, it is better if you don’t make any. The point is to relax and reconnect. It works wonders – I should know… I did it with my husband Wednesday morning, indulging in a double-shot of 80s movies, and it was nothing short of awesome! Go ahead – you guys deserve it!
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 4: Get Out Of Jail Free Card
It’s a fact: nobody’s perfect… not even your amazingly, awesome, super fantastic significant other. And no matter how well you may have “trained” him/her, every one makes mistakes sometimes… and every one could really use a “get outta jail free card” every so often. Ya see, here’s the thing… if you expect perfection from your partner or within your relationship, you are fooling yourself – you are looking for a Hollywood version of a relationship, not a real one. Extending the GOOJFC is your way of saying, “you’re human, and I love you just the same.” The best time to pull one out is when your partern is least expecting it – this move will really help you show the love.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 3: Gratitude
We all know that having your partner’s back is essential and although it might seem like you do a lot for your significant other and he/she may do a lot for you, are you taking the to show gratitude? Showing gratitude for everyday help and generous actions is monumental to relationship health; in fact gratitude is adaptive and actually helps us seek and bind to specific partners who seem to care about our welfare, So, to show gratitude, be mindful about what your partner needs in his/her life to make it easier, more fun, etc. and give it with no-strings-attached love, and when you are given to, be sure you show thanks with high levels of genuine appreciation.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 2: “I” Statements
You may have learned about the “I statement” before but lest you not forget it to keep defense mechanisms relationships old and new, at bay. Using “I” instead of “You” allows you to own your feelings instead of blaming or attacking your significant other for how you are actually feeling. For example, saying “You make me so mad when you don’t listen to me” will inflame your BF and make him retreat emotionally and possibly even physically, but when you say “I feel mad when you do’t listen to me” you begin the conversation by taking responsibility for your reaction to his actions. In doing so, you set the stage for a non-threatening environment which will allow for a productive conversation.
RELATIONSHIP TONIC 1: Love Notes!
Pop a love note in your honey’s pocket, purse, gym bag or briefcase to remind him/her of how much you care. Be creative with it – whether naughty or nice, use this opportunity to be emotionally vulnerable. Guaranteed, you will make your sweetheart’s day! This works for friends too 